Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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