So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
