Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
