I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
