And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
