the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
