look no pants
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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