i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
