buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
