Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
