Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
