Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
