Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
