i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
