I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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