I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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