I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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