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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
