do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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