some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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