Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
