Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
