the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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