girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
