the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
His hands were made for my vagina.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
