Only a mothe r could love this liver
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
