I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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