if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize