never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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