Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
