I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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