Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
