if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
