you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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