Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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