I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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