Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have aggressive nipples.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
