he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
