Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
