I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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