this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
