He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
