Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
