it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
