I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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