You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
