Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
