drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
