Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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