why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
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