guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
