a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
