Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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