My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
