Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
