well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize