I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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