I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
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I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
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I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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