i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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