I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
