Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I love you. Go after that dick
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
