sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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