So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
