You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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