A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
