I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
