I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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