i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
