he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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