I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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