I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
