I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
