im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
