bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
