Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
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Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
why is half of my head shaved?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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