He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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