Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
