that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
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And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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