he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
