HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
